Preparing for an extraordinary life
Since the New Year started, I’ve had the common blues that more or less everyone gets after the festive period. That brings everyone together and lets us all get drunk without the judgment. The start of January has to be the most motivated sadness that I’ve ever come across.
A time of year where everyone believes you can start again, turn over a blank page in an empty book for something along the lines of a ‘fresh start’ even though for me it’s been 18 years and no glimpse of a fresh start to be had. We all believe the new year is a new year new me type. Which leads me to my next point, I think about my “happily ever after” or even my happy now and what that may be a lot, in fact, I often wonder if I’m meant to be seeing the world or thinking about wedding dresses or body shots as so many people I know are doing these things. I’m not sure who I am, where I’m meant to be or what I’m meant to be doing after all.
I’ve fought through the thoughts of death and hurting myself in a way that many people will be disgusted in and my family, friends and even strangers would be highly disappointed in me but I’d rather have the pain anywhere other than floating around in my head. I have come to the understanding that the pain I have know will not last my lifetime, I understand that the pain I have will be overcome and I will follow the sun till it leads to snow for example but it’s getting to that point that seems to be a horrific journey, a journey that I don’t want to face. I’ve decided that the pain I feel can be pushed into something amazing, a sad song, a horror story or even an article that shows everyone they are not alone in this.
I’ve decided that the pain I feel can be pushed into something amazing, a sad song, a horror story or even an article that shows everyone they are not alone in this.I’m on the way to a great future and that I frankly won’t settle for any less because I know that I survived the worst to be involved in the best that I could be.
Here are my lessons for an extraordinary life:
Never be afraid to explore who you are:
For me discovering who I am, hasn’t yet been solved. But I know for a fact that, I will find that person when I find many other things. I’m yet to discover what those many other things are that trigger my realisation. So until that point I’m going to try everything that I’m giving the opportunity to do so, I’ll write stories, take photos, clean dishes and walk in the rain if it helps me discover who I am. So try something different, something new. I’ve died my hair more times that I can count because it’s helping me feel like I’m making progress that I look ok and I’m even heading down the black hair, black clothes and now black lipstick route. If that’s how I want to be I won’t feel pressured to be anyone else anymore because I’m finding myself by being everything.
Never believe when people tell you, “you can’t love anyone else if you don’t love yourself”
Throughout the last few years, I’ve been told, seen or heard people say that you can’t love someone unless you love yourself and to me, this is extremely untrue. Yes, it’ll help if you love yourself for your own benefit for confidence and self-esteem. But this simple fact doesn’t stop you caring, appreciating and loving someone else with all of you. I have done this for the past 3 years, we both have actually we hate ourselves at a sometimes extreme level but love each other most of the time and its really exhausting.
It’s ok to deal with pain in your own way.
No one understands what’s going on in your head, no one knows your pain and certainly no one knows how to deal with what you are feeling.Some people will say ‘get over it’ or that ‘it’s nothing’ which makes you feel guilty for feeling the way you do because they don’t understand. Which means no one can judge you for the actions you take to curve the demons in your head. Don’t feel guilty for doing something to stop them, yes no one wants you to do many of the things that will curve this for example addiction, self-harm and anger. But I was told by a very trusted charity not to feel guilty about this. Someone cares even if you don’t believe it, someone does I promise you.
Do what makes you smile.
Make sure to do whatever it is that makes you smile, even a little half smile that isn’t really there. Whether it’s drinking until the early hours, sleeping around or simply reading a book, eating a good meal. It doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks or says: Alcoholic, Slag/Fuckboy, Nerd or fatty. If it’s not harming you and making you happy for even a split second, it’s worth it isn’t it? That’s my view, especially in the new year I have decided that anything that remotely makes me happy will happen at the given moment for example right at the moment I’m sat eating fruit and watching a Netflix series so to say I’m remotely happy is pretty sure plus my mind’s not wandering into the crazy horrifica.
- Don’t believe that the world would be a better place without you. It will never be a better place without you, it will never solve anything to drag the ones who care for you through your pain. I know it feels like the best idea to have I’ve been there I understand how it feels and I’ve come close to it myself. People care about you and want you here. I know its hard to believe but I’m sure it can only get better, right? The future will hold wonder things it has to right? We’d all turn into a mess if not.
These are my five step guide to an extraordinary life eventually that is, but looking at it now it’s a tip for myself in a clear mind. In times when I need these, I truly believe there really are no tips to an extraordinary life because it’s hardly ever possible. Make yourself smile and keep yourself strong.