Obviously, when you think depression, you automatically think it’s all sadness and sadness only but this is untrue. I hardly ever feel just sad when my bad days strike but I feel nothing,there’s no way nothing can be represented other than the emptiness that suffocates me, surrounds me and forces me to stay in bed or pushes me into the darkest part of myself or scares me through my reflection that stares emptily at me.
How can nothing be represented? So I had a light bulb moment where I could represent depression through a thing that makes me forget about all that, a way for me to express the madness that goes through my head. This light bulb moment came about when I discovered boredpanda.com a site that expresses all the feelings that go through my mind and post that generally brings the happiness and beautiful images into view from across the pond, so to speak.
I found my inspiration from hard hitting post within the site, the type of post that stops you mid breath: check them out:
‘I Created A Series Of Self-Portraits Using My Hands To Represent Different Emotions Of depression’
‘Young Photographer Creates Self-Portraits To Express The Feeling Of Solitude‘
Now I thought I want to represent what I think depression would look like in black and white because frankly there the only colours I feel. Where I will show the feelings of depression through my camera lens and black and white portraits of a few people who became my models:
James Gibson: You’ve heard of him before, my other half. I decided I wanted him as a model for this because he sees it first hand. The things that happen to me on my bad days he sees and he always gets the full blow off whatever my nothing is. He’s a good egg. Also, he is just beautiful inside and out.
The next set of images I have made it so that they represent the exact feelings that go off in my mind on such occasions, this can be done in an exaggerated manner to what I do but it’s the same demons that I am battling with.
This is how I see my mind in a photo, different aspects of suffocation, anxiety, confusion, addiction, loneliness, sadness and how I feel nothing looks like. I have done this not to upset anyone but to ensure I can understand my feelings in a clearer right and be able to express this through my favorite thing to do.
I am here for anyone who feels that the only way is out.