I feel I’m a kind person, you know like donate to charity, smile, say nice things and by that I mean putting my spare change in the buckets you see scattered around town. Change I will never spend because it doesn’t add up to anything that I remotely need. You see, I’m too wrapped up in my own self pity I don’t take in to consideration anyone else’s problems within the world. Everyone has problems I just fail to see it like many other people.
The world is a cruel place to live in, a world where death, robbery and rape are things that happen outside of the fictional world of movies. That happen more often than anyone wants to admit, that happen because everyone is self obsessed wrapped up in their own world that they don’t see the pain that is around them, the pain that they could be causing. People are selfish and have an underlying need to be in constant competition with everyone around them no matter how many times you try to tell yourself you aren’t battling everyone for popularity, career paths and power.
Self pity is an interesting way to forget about the world around us and everyone else’s pain and delve on the pain that is inside your head. Excessive, self-absorbed unhappiness over one’s own troubles. The official term for self pity in its simplest form, a way I take my problems and blow them out of proportion within my head to make myself believe I was the only one who had anything going on in their lives. That’s probably the way my brain has started to sync in my own bubble of madness.
Today, it felt like the world was a treadmill and I wasn’t going anywhere, I was continuously walking and never getting to the place I needed to be. I guess that’s what Monday’s are for everyone within the working world, a heavy diet that continues through out the week, daily running and not getting anywhere.
See the self pity hits me heavy on a Monday morning, with gloomy blues and working life what could possibly make me feel I’m driving the world crazy with my own problems that I don’t think about what could possibly be going on around me. Level 7 of the truth about self pity. Obsession with your own problems.
So is my own self pity a great issues to have or a one that brings the world to a gloomy place. My self pity is a problem that I can’t seem to over come, I can’t help but be obsessed with everything that I hate within myself and everything that goes wrong or I believe goes wrong.
Welcome to my self pity party, I am self obsessed and self hated. I feel the need to blow everything out of proportion in my mind like I am the only one suffering and I don’t want anyone else’s pity or wise words of inspiration no matter how much you might think it will help. This is what my inner spec of depression and anxiety does to me.