Depression: The first steps to failing inspiration

Trying hard to think of ways to inspire the people that stumble across my blog and I seem to have  hit a brick wall at this point. How on earth can you inspire another? A person you haven’t met and person you don’t and will not ever speak to or even realize that they’ve been on your blog at all. It’s hard enough to inspire the closest person to you, never-mind a complete stranger because everyone has their own mind and was programmed to not listen to anyone else other than the mind of their own.

I thought that talking about the problems in my head will lead to some sought of inspiration for anyone else in the same situation but I feel I’m pretty much repeating myself every time I write a piece, if I can manage to write a piece of writing that could class as a piece in the first place. I can’t string words together easily that are thought of as ‘inspiring’ because I’m unable to think motivating in anyway from day to day. I believe that a  blog post can’t be based on the drama that I put in place to fool the ones around me every single day to make them think that I can make it throughout my life with a happy glow and a smiling face. It seems to me that my writing will never be inspiring,it’s just a story to tell, a journey to face and a some sort of diary to get everything off my shoulders. That’ll be some sort of relief for myself, a way to give me an ‘escape’ from the madness that’s in my head and empties it of some of the demons (so to say).

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I understand that a story/ journey or diary can still be hard hitting, inspiring and motivating but I don’t see a teen depression story as any of those things. I don’t see social anxiety as inspiring: how can it be when it consist of hot sweats, a feeling deep down that’s unexplained  and the ever so often panics of social interaction. Or the feeling that your life is over when you’ve barely even lived, that you have outburst of utter sadness that leads to a flood of tears.

How can any of that be inspiring? How can a story that is overflowing with this be inspiring? 
I don’t believe anything I could write about what’s going on in my life could be any type of inspiration to anybody and I hate the fact that social anxiety, teen depression or suicidal thoughts have become a ‘norm’ in this world and even a “fad” that people use to relate to teen movies that glam up all these things that tear lives apart, the way I see it they make it look easy and cool to have the mental health that destroys many lives every single day when really its a burden we are so desperately battling.  I really don’t mind the fact that I can’t inspire (even though I so wish I was the type of person that could inspire at least one person without being ‘too’ positive.) i’m not really writing my problems to inspire people, I’m writing to get my mind ready for another day on this planet and prepare myself for as good as it gets.
I can’t bring myself to admit my weaknesses no matter how much I try and that’s what, I guess I have grown to hide what makes me weak so not to get hurt so easily. Even while crying at movies and books, I can’t bare to be broken by another again so I guess I hold myself back and bring myself down because I believe it’s better for me to destroy myself than let someone else do it for me. That’s more evidence that my story is no where near inspiring and motivating to anyone at all.

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Even though half my story is what I believe to be uninspiring and the opposite of motivation. I decided that I was going to capture the beauty that this deflated world would occasionally send out and share every captured photo I managed to get. In the hope I could inspire someone to give out a little snap of happiness along the way of their own pain felt journey because I know and constantly reminded that everyone has pain in their life.

This is why I flood my posts with images that I took myself, even if they are the same as the post before. It reminds me that there’s even just a smidgen of beauty in the world I’ve grown to despise and I want to share the beauty I have found, share among people who are struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel or dots on the edge of pier when in a tower high above so to speak. I’ve found my enjoyment in my life, I’m just struggling to set it up in my life its an endless battle that I can’t seem to face. At least I have one thing and one person that can change my days some what around.  

 

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