Hopes, Dreams and All My Secrets

Not that ‘My Little Introduction’ didn’t sum up what I’m basically about, I just want to talk about everything I hope for in life, how I got in to photography and how the bug for travailing began.


*Caution* Awkward photos of myself to follow.

I’d like to start with a similar introduction than the one I’ve done before but I want to explain myself fully . I’m Molly, I’m 18 years old and live in the UK. I have been with my wonderful boyfriend since March 2014 and we have this outrageous plan to travel the world and see everything we can possibly see within the time we have together (However long that maybe.) I seem to go on about him an awful lot for two people who are sworn against soppy-iness and loving each other. He seems to be the only one I’ve had most of my adventures with so far but I know that I’ll experience holidays, adventures and random photos with my little chosen family.

I got caught up in the travelling bug when I had a slight hit from depression while I was studying at college. I was studying BTEC Media, BTEC IT and AS English,although I loved most of the courses I was doing and feel I was excelling in all of the above (not trying to big myself up here) I couldn’t manage to get on with it. Going from surrounded by many people that liked me and loved me to being pretty much on my own while my only true friend was off meeting all these wonderful people and I couldn’t do that. I’ve never been good at talking to people and tend to just get awkward more than likely going red in the process of a simple conversation.I felt alone and abandoned because most of my friends were out doing exciting things meeting new people and having a great time where I was stuck with my own thoughts and they have always been scary, just because I’m so against myself and everything I seem to stand for. (Always have, well for the past four/five years my inner hatred has grown excessively.)  Unfortunately, this was basically the reason I had to leave and couldn’t finish my second year leaving me with half a grade and not a single splash of getting anywhere in my life. I struggled for half the year I was there seeing councillors, work mentors  and trying so desperately to stay home. I’d look forward to Friday evening and genuinely get panics for Sunday to arrive, I’d wake up sad and go to bed crying, drained and anxious. It was one of the worst times of my life, travelling for an hour each way to go to a place I didn’t want to be seemed pointless to me and drained all my happiness away.

 

The Above Images left – Right [ My younger self at my beloved clubs game, My other half and I on one of our first dates, The person I’ve grown to become.]

Through months of procrastinating my councillor and I decided it would be best if I left college after the year and discover something that would suit me better. This lifted the weight off of my shoulders, I actually felt good about my day for one of the first times in months. So I decided through some persuasion to go and see career guidance to see if I had any chance on doing what I would love to do. It was me and I had a bad day, as soon as I set foot in the door I burst in to tears and couldn’t control myself. This explains why she told me that I couldn’t get in to Journalism because of my frame of mind. It hit me and all the weight fell back on to my shoulders and I lost all hope in ever getting anywhere in my life and it hurt me more than anything could ever. I lost motivation, hope and desire to achieve anything in my life because I finally understand I will never be good enough.

And I still haven’t found it.

Although I have found something else to do for the meantime. I’m a Digital Marketing And Social Media Apprentice. It’s not what I expected and not really what I want to do but I have almost finished my course and near the end of the lousy £3.30  an hour wage. I have struggled through unknowing hours, days and even weeks of my first employer. Then I got moved to a new company that I’m still in today and it’s going okay. Although I have off days and the first 6 months of my apprenticeship kind of put me off the industry I’m working in and towards.

This isn’t what I want to do in the long run basically because I hate being told what to do although at this moment in time it seems to be the best as I have no idea what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. Not just in my working life but in my personal one too.


Since that day at college, my dreams being flattened and taken away, I never wanted to stay still, to be in one place. I have no hope in my working life (as of yet) but I need so badly to see the world and discover all the beauty through out the different countries and cultures. I want to capture everything I see to discover my happiness and find myself.

 

That’s my only hope right?

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